Saturday, November 15, 2008

Holy crap! I'm buring and freezing!

My ass is hot! No really, it's wide but HOT! I've just done my 5th Copaxone injection, this one in my hip, and it's making my WHOLE ASS BURN. Is this for real? Have I accidentally sat on the iron again? No. Did I mistake the stove top for the desk chair? No silly, they don't make stoves out of leather. It must be that vial of evil I just shoved into my ample layers of subcutaneous fat. So far, I have had around 20 minutes of intense sting with each shot. Lumps in a variety of shapes, sizes, and firmnesses. The sites are sore for DAYS after. What the HELL?!

Listen, I am not chicken shit about needles. I have a lot of tattoos for Pete's sake (including on the ribs and feet, which some think are the most painful spots), and hardly flinched through a year and a half of Avonex injections. I can start an IV on myself with one hand, and would trust my husband to suture me if I ever needed it. So what am I doing wrong here? The alcohol is totally evaporated. I've tried compression, heat packs, and ice packs. I am not rubbing or scratching. And while I have limited square footage that doesn't have a scar, freckle, mole, tattoo, stretch mark, mosquito bite, or booboo nearby; I've managed to steer clear of all those things so far. I am still screwing this up somehow? The hubs thinks I'll get used to it after a while (he said, "I'm sure you won't notice it after a year or two. Then you can be in charge of all the wasps nests in the yard!"), but I find that VERY hard to believe.

At the same time, I'm freezing. Again.
I've always been one of those people who's always cold. My average temp is like, 97F. We live in sunny Florida, so when the DH turns the air lower and lower, I stack the fleece blankies higher and higher. When I lived up north with my folks for a winter, I shivered off 25 lbs. in one cold season. I got a mild case of frostbite as a kid and never seemed to warm up again. Until Avonex.
At first I would just be hot for a day or two post Avonex injection. For the last year however, I have been schvitzing hot ALL the time. Like, sweating bullets in the scan rooms at the hospital that have to be kept at 65F or lower so the machines don't overheat, kind of hot. I had a hysterectomy this year, but I kept my ovaries so it's not early menopause. I was pregnant during the 4 months of wildfires in '98 that rained ashes down on us, and even then I was not this hot. But I'm happy to report that after 4 weeks OFF Avonex, I'm not hot anymore! I've never heard anything about Avonex being related to increased body temp but I guess it makes sense for an interferon to have that effect. So I'm sitting here with a burning ass and frozen fingers, but altogether I'm happier and feel better than before. Maybe the Avonex was affecting my mood too.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Thanksgiving comes early.

I think I may be starting to feel a little better! I'm still stupid tired and my left arm isn't exactly up to par, but I've been walking reliably for a few days and my head doesn't hurt so much. My neck is still killing me and since the radiologist I work with said my most recent MRI of my neck was "pristine," I don't know what to make of the pain. My mummy is taking me for a massage tomorrow though so maybe that'll help. And one of my smartest friends (she's a RN, she knows what I REALLY need) got me a gift certificate to our chiropractor for several adjustments for my bird-day. He actually DOUBLED the number she paid for when he found out who it was for!

Actually, I got many well-suited gifts for my 30th. Several GOOD bottles of wine. Several massage gift certs. A tattoo gift cert. A calendar from my son so I can write everything down and not forget him at school again. (A million times I am so sorry E!!!) Nice, relaxing aromatherapy girly stuffs. I got several lovely meals out of the weekend and a party with all my nearest and dearest mates. I gave myself the gift of a weekend off from work, and it was truly and thoroughly cherished.

More significantly, I got some much needed attitude adjustments. Several things have come up to make me grateful for the following:

~I am quite happily and stresslessly married and not at all concerned about whether or not MY husband is cheating on me. This is not the case for everyone in my life.

~I am relieved to be "out of the closet" with my boss. She chatted me up at lunch today about trial MS treatments and nutritional supplements without her face turning purple like it does when she's stressed or faking control-of-the-situation.

~This video from Lazy Julie's blog gave me some much needed perspective. I must stop being a whiney assfuck even if only in my own head.

~Two officers from the local police department (who were not my brother) gave me a great deal of assistance with an unruly patient in the ER today. Thus renewing my faith in THE MAN, extending beyond THE MAN that is my little brother.

~My bestie is having a baby tomorrow. And since we are so close as to have matching moles, there will finally be a brand new turd squirter in the world that I will have full rights to sniffing and snuggling as often as I like.

~Blindbeard used the term "penis wrinkle" in a recent hilarious blog, and that always lights me up.

~My fave aunt (don't tell my other aunties) is in town and she's requested that I take her to both the ashram (read: interfaith spiritual commune) were my hubby grew up AND the local porn-super-store. How much fun is this week going to be?

~And finally, the Health Insurance Rapists have agreed to cover the Copaxone that I will be able to start tomorow since my preferred pharmacy has agreed to provide me with it instead of having to go the the "specialty pharmacy" at the local looney bin. Seriously, they're only open to the public for 2 hours, 1 day a week. I hear it stings like a bee, but it at least it won't be such an arsebite to get my hands on the shit.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Birthday Bits

Today, I am 30 years old.

Yay Obama! Finally, I can feel proud to be an American again.

Happy belated Guy Fawkes Night! Wish I'd had an effigy to burn last night.

Two new lesions on my MRI. Switching to Copaxone from Avonex. Wish me luck.

Quit smoking. Not grumpy, mostly relieved, KNOW that I will be completely elated in a day or two.

Considering vegetarianism again. Meeting some resistance from the man of the house.

Started PT yesterday and had thought I was doing much better. The therapist proved to me that my left side is still retarded and even my right side is relapsing somewhat. Also brought into focus that I AM SO TIRED. Still.

I want really badly to be excited about my birthday. To either be happy or pissed about it would be fine, but this fatigue induced lethargy is downright depressing. My husband is in the kitchen making me a cake. He washed my car today and bought me a tattoo gift certificate. I unexpectedly got the day off and wasted all of it sleeping. My kids are gonna come home from long days of school and soccer/dance and still be really stoked and energized about my birthday. Why can I not bring myself to care? I completely hate myself today.